I mentioned in an earlier blog how odd an experience it was when, after years of fighting for and attaining Gay Equality in Southern California, I had to give up those rights when I entered Oklahoma and pretty much had to fight again to get them.

It was to a degree a successful effort, and it was for this reason I went to the University of Central Oklahoma which has the collection of my art work from my time in Oklahoma and the legal papers and documents involved in getting “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” added to the Oklahoma City Public school’s policies regarding students.

This introduced an unforeseen awkwardness.

After my years in Oklahoma, I returned to my home state of Massachusetts which, in comparison to other states, especially Oklahoma, is paradise for a Gay man with full equality in all areas and a population that favors that.

John Adams was from here.

On the morning of the reception at the college for the opening of the retrospective, in order to spend time with those involved with the exhibit and answer questions they might have, I called an Uber for the convenience.

On the way from the hotel to the university, the driver pointed out that he had graduated years ago from it, so many years ago that his daughter is now a student, and that he, in all the intervening years had never gone back to the campus as he had his degree and didn’t need to.

He asked why I was going to his alma mater, and this is where I had to consider that I was no longer in a state that honors equality but was in one that works hard to deny it especially for every stripe on the new Pride Flag.

The legislature has taken away Trans students’ rights, is going after any Gay related books in school and public libraries, wants to make Drag Queens illegal, and, in competition with other red states to see who can be the most disgusting, is competing to come up with the next and most draconian anti-Gay law. In the reddest state in the country, all counties went for Trump in 2020, being open can be dangerous and I had last been seen getting into a car and driving off so the set up was classic if the driver was the worst possible one to have gotten.

While I remained generic and neutral, the answer could change the pleasant ride into something else involving a political or religious diatribe, or the driver pulling over to throw me out as he did not want a son of Satan in his car.

Or, nothing would have changed.

For the first time in 12 years, I had to weight the possible reaction to my response, so I kept it generic explaining that years ago I had done something important and was being honored for it, hoping my terseness would convey I wished to say nothing further. The driver, however, as an alumnus, was interested in why his university was honoring me and asked the loaded question,

“What did you do?”

It was at this point I had to make a decision.

Do I give him the honest answer, I had fought for the rights of Gay students in public schools and had been successful, or I could skate around it to avoid the negative reaction.

I had been assaulted verbally and with threats in my time in Oklahoma for my advocacy, so I was also careful not to mention my name in case it sparked someone’s memory.

I was on the trip for pleasure. The whole thing was a self-esteem and validation thing. My answer could have changed all that.

So, on my way to be acknowledged for the work I had done for equality, I found myself in a position to be defensive and answered that I had done some work years ago to fight discrimination and promote the equality of minorities.

It was reflexive and for safety.

It was true, but generically so and enough to sate his curiosity especially as, when entering the campus, the driver was surprised there was a lake near the student union which had not been there in his day, so his daughters references to it which seemed to be her veiled euphemism for a date as she often mentioned sitting by, what he thought was a non-existent lake.

I had found myself in a position to need the closet for safety when in a stranger’s car.

This was a total throwback and a reminder that while I now have it good as a Gay man, there are those who do not, and this little taste of old fears brought that home.

In Long Beach, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and when I got home, I could be as Gay as Christmas if I chose to, and there was a time or two I appropriately flamed out, but in Oklahoma it had been different. I had to deal with fear and the potential negative reaction on whatever level for being myself.